Three weeks in the past, I left my condo to an uncommon sight: My shiny blue BMW, normally sitting so proudly on the curb in entrance of my condo, had been changed with a street-parked SUV. The bike wasn’t forward of the automotive, nor behind it. It wasn’t on its facet someplace, it wasn’t on the nook, and a fast look on the AirTag hidden beneath its seat confirmed me it was, the truth is on its approach to Queens.
Shit. Somebody stole my motorbike. I used to be planning to eliminate it, positive, however not like this. Not like this. It was speculated to go to somebody who’d take care of it, who’d adore its rigidly German do-everything practicality, who’d give it the extensive open highways and verdant rolling hills that it deserv — wait, insurance coverage is providing how a lot in comparison with my asking worth? That recontextualizes this. This isn’t so dangerous, truly.
The GS — named Sophie, after Cell Swimsuit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury’s Sophie Pulone — disappeared on road cleansing day, which kicked off an entire journey of trying to find out whether or not the New York Metropolis Division of Sanitation had towed it. This meant checking the sanitation web site, calling the native NYPD precinct, checking the positioning once more, calling 911, being informed to name 311, being informed to attend a pair hours and name 911 once more, checking the sanitation website once more, and finally coping with 4 esteemed officers of our positive and intensely moderately funded police division.
4 cops confirmed up, requested normal questions, and referred to as the Division of Sanitation. They have been informed that Sanitation hadn’t towed something, and actually doesn’t tow plated autos, and wouldn’t even be open to test till Monday. The cops then informed me to name Sanitation the next day — Saturday, well-known for not being Monday — to test whether or not it had been towed. The factor Sanitation stated they didn’t and wouldn’t do. The cops then proceeded to do completely zero paperwork, so I needed to do the entire dance once more the following day. New York’s best.
After that entire debacle, although, issues improved. In reality, they felt like they have been going too effectively — isn’t insurance coverage speculated to be tough? Isn’t insurance coverage speculated to low ball you? Isn’t it speculated to be a drag to get something out of them, a course of so infuriating that you just finally hand over they usually get to maintain your cash?
My GS had been listed on Fb for months earlier than this theft, sitting idly whereas chilly climate cooled the motorbike market. I’d been asking $7,000 there, and I hadn’t even gotten lowballers or tire kickers — only a two commerce provides and a single “how low are you able to go” that by no means even made a proposal. Fb Market is normally a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the place any sale is preceded by months of bad-faith negotiations, however I wasn’t even getting that. For me, it was desolate.
Insurance coverage, against this, was easy. Positive, I needed to haul myself out to The Center Of Goddamn Nowhere, Lengthy Island to really get a test, however that was the final step in what was finally a quite simple course of — a course of worthwhile sufficient to justify shopping for my new-to-me Suzuki GSX-8R as a alternative for the GS. Additionally a canopy for the Suzuki, in hopes of stopping historical past from repeating itself.
I’m not going to go recommending that individuals get their bikes stolen as a substitute of promoting them, however I’m shocked at how effectively it labored out for me. Fb Market is hell on Earth, and one way or the other even coping with the insurance coverage business is an enchancment over the common Market tire kicker. I’m as shocked as you might be — a bit bit, however not fully.