‘Forgive me, Mama’: A Gaza mom’s agony for a son Israel killed | Gaza

Mawasi Khan Younis, Gaza – Her son’s last phrases hang-out Ghalia Radwan.

“Forgive me, mama,” the 24-year-old stated as he lay dying, shot by Israeli troopers whereas he was on a rescue mission on March 23, which he recorded till his final breath.

He needed her forgiveness for the ache his demise would trigger, figuring out that she had fearful about him day by day since he had develop into a paramedic.

“I forgive you, son,” Ghalia has whispered tearfully numerous occasions since then, figuring out that Rifaat had needed his conscience clear earlier than he died in southern Gaza with 14 different emergency staff.

She hopes he is aware of she would at all times forgive him.

‘I felt like a dagger pierced my coronary heart’

On the morning of March 22, Ghalia wakened later than traditional and rushed to see Rifaat earlier than he left for work.

However he had already left, and her coronary heart stuffed with dread.

“I had stored trying over at him the night time earlier than as he was sleeping for some cause,” she says.

The night time of March 21 was unremarkable. Rifaat got here dwelling in time to interrupt his Ramadan quick together with his household within the displacement tent they reside in.

After the easy iftar meal, he talked together with his dad and mom a bit after which went to sleep.

“Though I miss him terribly and at all times look ahead to him getting dwelling so we may chat, we at all times made positive to not tire him with discuss or staying up late,” Rifaat’s father, 52-year-old Anwar Radwan, says.

Ghalia agrees: “I simply would wash his garments and put together his sleeping spot, so he may go to work rested.”

She’s unsure however believes Rifaat wakened round daybreak for suhoor, the day by day meal earlier than fasting begins throughout Ramadan, and was picked up by 6am by his colleagues to go to work. He didn’t come dwelling after that shift, spending the night time on the first responders centre as a substitute.

On March 23, the household was informed Rifaat was one among 15 Palestine Pink Crescent Society and Civil Defence rescue staff who had been lacking and feared ambushed by Israeli troopers.

That information launched the household into eight days of tormented ready, praying and hoping that Rifaat can be discovered alive.

“I’d tempo forwards and backwards, crying, praying and pleading with God, whereas always calling the Pink Crescent,” Ghalia says of the wait whereas Palestinian authorities tried to get Israel to conform to a search operation. “Every time they informed us Israeli coordination had been denied, I’d faint from the sheer ache.”

On the morning of Eid al-Fitr, the household bought a name from the Pink Crescent that Israeli permission had lastly been granted for search groups to enter the realm.

“I wouldn’t want these agonising hours of ready on any mom on the earth,” Ghalia says.

There isn’t a web protection within the household’s tent, so Anwar must go to an web level within the camp to examine for updates.

He got here again to the tent at one level and stated the Pink Crescent had discovered two our bodies, then rushed out once more, leaving Ghalia praying desperately that Rifaat was not amongst them

The subsequent time Anwar got here again, he stated 4 our bodies had been recovered and rushed off once more.

On his third journey again, he stated they’d recovered six our bodies, together with Rifaat’s.

“I felt like a dagger pierced my coronary heart, however I resigned myself to God’s will, and we went to the hospital.”

On the hospital, the households of the opposite paramedics had been ready for his or her family members’ our bodies to reach.

“All of us rushed in direction of the ambulances, crying. Emergency staff had been weeping bitterly as they bid farewell to their colleagues.”

‘Forgive me’

As excruciating because the await information was, it was nothing in contrast with watching the video Rifaat had recorded of his final moments, which was discovered after his physique was.

Over about 20 minutes, Rifaat might be heard talking in regards to the mission they had been on.

An ambulance that had gone to the Tal as-Sultan space of southern Gaza to rescue survivors of an Israeli bombing had disappeared about 4am on March 23.

One other ambulance that went out to seek out it radioed again to base to say the lacking colleagues appeared to have been shot, and two extra ambulances had been despatched out to assist them. Rifaat was in a single.

His video clearly reveals the fear within the ambulance and the truth that all of the emergency automobiles – together with a Civil Defence firetruck – had been clearly marked and had their lights on, not off as Israel initially claimed because it tried to justify killing 15 emergency staff and burying them and their automobiles.

Within the video, Ghalia was capable of hear as her son noticed the our bodies of his colleagues and see everybody within the ambulance rush out to assist them as they had been carrying clearly identifiable uniforms.

Then got here the sound of gunfire, and Rifaat fell to the bottom because the visuals had been obscured and solely his voice remained as he repeated the shahada, the Islamic declaration of religion, and begged his mom to forgive him.

“Forgive me, mama,” he stated. “I needed to assist individuals. Forgive me.”

Each declarations are tied to Rifaat’s religion. The shahada is a very powerful declaration and prayer recited by Muslims. In addition they say it on their deathbeds to reaffirm their religion.

Muslims consider that the trail to heaven is thru their dad and mom and thru having lived life and never harming anybody, and Rifaat needed to die figuring out that his mom would forgive him in demise.

“Rifaat knew how deeply hooked up I used to be to him and the way I always fearful about him, so his final phrases had been asking for my forgiveness as a result of he knew dropping him would break my coronary heart,” Ghalia tells Al Jazeera, her eyes brimming with tears.

The boy who grew to become a paramedic

“My son was lovely and charming. I adored him. He was good-looking, beneficiant and giving with out limits,” Ghalia says.

Anwar remembers a toddler who at all times ran after ambulances, firetrucks, bulldozers, something with flashing emergency lights and a siren.

“[Rifaat] beloved emergency work, and when he completed highschool, he selected that path.”

Ghalia fearful when Rifaat selected emergency medical companies, becoming a member of the Palestine Pink Crescent Society in October 2023 when Israel’s warfare on Gaza started however relented when Rifaat confirmed how decided he was.

“He stated the identical factor to me then that he stated in his last moments: ‘Mama, I wish to assist individuals.’”

All through Israel’s warfare, Ghalia always feared for Rifaat’s security, warning him and begging him to remain protected.

At any time when he got here dwelling after a troublesome day, Rifaat would inform his mom what he had seen as he tried to rescue individuals.

“I’d wash his blood-soaked uniform whereas he apologised and informed me how he retrieved the stays of youngsters, men and women from beneath the rubble,” she stated.

“He was typically devastated, however he by no means gave up.”

Rifaat had dreamed of constant his research overseas, to study extra about emergency response and return to Gaza to carry his schooling dwelling to present again to individuals, Ghalia says.

“[He was also] our sole breadwinner on account of his father’s sickness till he fully exhausted his checking account sooner or later.

“I broke down crying, however he reassured me and stated it was superb, that I shouldn’t be unhappy in regards to the cash.”

There’s delight in Ghalia when she talks about her son, taking consolation in the truth that he sacrificed himself to serve and assist others.

“My son Rifaat’s message will reside on, and I’ll increase my youthful sons to observe in his footsteps and develop into paramedics,” Ghalia says, referring to her sons Abdul Jawwad, 13, and Suleiman, 11.

“Rifaat left us a noble message and an eternal affect,” she provides.

“I at all times consider him every time I see the flowers and vegetation he planted round our tent.”