Chelsea Handler Roasts Blake Vigorous-Justin Baldoni Struggle, Melania Trump In Critics Selection Monologue

Initially slated for mid-January, the awards have been moved to Friday night time after the Los Angeles wildfires. Proper on the prime of the present, Handler stood in entrance of a bunch of first responders within the viewers, thanking them for his or her service — as everybody within the room then acquired on their ft for a standing ovation.

After a video highlighting the most effective in movie and TV over the previous yr, Handler then hit the stage for her precise opening monologue.

“I’m your DEI host, Chelsea Handler. I wanna acknowledge that we have been via quite a bit these days … our complete nation, waking up on daily basis, not realizing what information we’re gonna hear that can disappoint and horrify us,” she started, earlier than declaring how vital it’s to have distractions in instances like these.

“That is why I want to personally prolong my gratitude to Justin Baldoni and Blake Vigorous. I am grateful, I believe we’re all grateful and I believe we’re good,” she stated to laughter from the viewers.

“I believe everyone on this room, regardless of whose aspect your individual, we will all agree to just accept that there is in all probability not going to be a sequel. It ends with us, guys.”

She then introduced up the way it was her third time internet hosting the present, making the gig her “second longest relationship.”

“My first being with the previous head of this very community, shoutout to Ted Harbert … that was again when it was nonetheless cool to sleep together with your boss. Not so cool anymore,” quipped the previous E! host. “I spent 7 years on this community and through that point, I used to be the one girl internet hosting a late night time present. And now, 11 years later, look how far we have come.”

“In 2025, the simplest approach to have a late night time discuss present as a lady is to have the creators of Hacks write a fictional story about it,” she deadpanned, earlier than then pointing to the bandage on her arm and joking, “Seems St. Dennis Medical isn’t an actual hospital. However David Alan Grier does give one hell of a pap smear.”

Telling everybody to “drink up” as a result of “these might be the top of instances,” she then introduced up all the previous little one stars who discovered success this yr, together with Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande.

“Now Ariana has even discovered love with a Munchkin!” she joked, although it did not fairly get the response from the viewers that she clearly anticipated. “That is excellent news everyone!” she added, after the quip fell flat.

After praising the ladies within the room, together with June Squibb, Demi Moore and Pamela Anderson, she gave a particular shoutout to Cynthia Erivo — earlier than then joking about her press tour with Grande. “The 2 of all of them over one another. I keep in mind the primary time I did molly,” she cracked.

Citing nominee Ralph Fiennes, Handler then stated, “you have performed a ruthless Nazi, evil lord Voldemort and now a celibate cardinal and by some means made me need to have intercourse with you in all three roles,” she stated, as some screams got here from the viewers.

“I’m not alone. You’ve got made some really unsexy individuals very horny. So I am begging you, please, by no means play Vladimir Putin. I can not do this once more,” she stated.

After then celebrating a few of this yr’s musical performances — together with Nicole Kidman hitting “some notes I’ve by no means heard earlier than” whereas pleasuring herself in Babygirl — she talked about the “films for straight individuals,” or biopics, like A Full Unknown, Maria and Anora. The latter, she quipped, was “about Melania Trump.” In that film, Mikey Madison performs a stripper/intercourse employee.

“That was a wild, wild journey. Russians and prostitutes, who would have ever related these dots. Actually nobody on this room,” joked Handler.

She then pointed to Abbott Elementary’s Janelle James, mentioning how “incompetent” her faculty principal is on the sitcom. “I am shocked she hasn’t been tapped to run the true division of schooling!” stated Handler.

Handler’s monologue began to wind down by mentioning Colin Farrell’s 4-hour transformation to turn out to be the titular mobster in The Penguin, joking, “Now we all know how lengthy it takes to make Colin Farrell not f–kable … however actually I might nonetheless hit these flippers.”

She then ended with this: “On a much less private be aware, tonight is about all of you. A few of you’ll win, a few of you’ll lose and a few of you’ll simply be within the background questioning your life decisions, like Cheryl Hines at a Senate affirmation listening to. So let’s get the present began!”